Competitive Eating Not for Faint of Heart or Stomach

July 4th is coming up, and we all know what that means. No, not fireworks and outdoor grilling with the family, that can be done just about any day of the year. Sit down, and be prepared to be glued to your TV, as the world's top eaters fight in Nathan's 2007 Hot Dog Eating Contest. You're looking at history being made here; at two of the top American Heroes, in every sense of the word. I don't see Tiger Woods or LeBron James putting down 50+ hot dogs in 12 minutes. Although, to be fair, I think Michelson or Angel Cabrera could really give these guys a run for their money.

This year, more than any have come before it, tensions are running high in preparation at Nathan's. There's controversy, trash talking, and real athletes fighting through injuries to compete. That's showing some real cojones. With rumors swirling that Kobayashi will not compete this year due to an arthritis problem in his jaw, Joey Chestnut took the lead in mudslinging, by calling out his greatest threat to the title (Kobayashi has won six years in a row), calling this injury fake, as Joey just recently beat Kobayashi's record in the 12-minute wiener face-shoving contest. In a story at the Kansas City Star, Kobayashi addressed these rumors.

Kobayashi, in an interview with the Chattanooga Times Free Press on Friday, said he will compete despite jaw pain that limits how much he can open his mouth. Critics have said Kobayashi’s injury is an excuse to dodge top American eater Joey Chestnut, who broke Kobayashi’s world hot-dog eating record with 59 1/2 two weeks ago. Kobayashi says that’s not the case.

“That’s not even funny,” Kobayashi told the Times Free Press. “I don’t even have time to think about that.”

No, Joey, that's not even funny. You have just woken up the sleeping monster that is Takeru Kobayashi, and you will pay for your insolence. You are mere human, while Kobayashi is an eating machine with a disorder. Since this is clearly a two horse race, let's meet the thoroughbreds.

Takeru Kobayashi is a man among boys in the world of competitive eating. If there is a Hall of Fame for competitive eaters, it is most likely built in his name. In fact, you'll not see a competitive eating competition televised if he's not in it, and they weren't before he became involved. He single-handedly thrust this sport (and don't be fooled, it is a sport) into the upper echelon of ESPN programming. He holds just about every competitive eating record ever conceived. In fact, he's not lost since bursting onto the scene in 2001 except to a 1089 pound Kodiak Bear. Unless Joey Chestnut is a 1089 Kodiak Bear, Kobayashi will continue his unprecedented dominance over the competitive eating circuit. Unless, of course, bears are allowed to compete. Then, it will only be a short time until Kobayashi starts dominating the bears. He cannot be stopped, he trains for this year round, training that Lance Armstrong would die of; Kobayashi doesn't even break a sweat. That and more is all included in his Wikipedia entry, and I urge you to read it. You'll also notice, that he is now ripped. Unlike the scrawny boy that amazed us with his intestinal retardation condition six years ago, he is now a feared athlete.

Joey "Jaws" Chestnut has worked tirelessly to whip his fat and feeble body into shape to finally take down the iconic Kobayashi. He, unlike Kobayashi, has continually trained for each event he ever participated in. Without the help of gastroptosis, Jaws is like a real human being, except that he can eat enormous amounts of food in a short period of time. He's really the Pete Sampras of Competitive Eating - he doesn't have overwhelming ability, but with practice and hard work, he's been able to achieve almost every milestone in this sport. He's never lost to a bear, but he has lost to Kobayashi, only being bested by a mere one-and-three-quarters of a hot dog in the 2006 Hot Dog Eating contest. Jaws considered last year to be his year, as he trained almost night-and-day for this event, the loss was clearly gut-wrenching when I watched this on TV last year. But with Kobayashi's arthritic jaw, in conjunction to beating his record in a regional qualifier, Joey feels that this year he will ascend to the top of the Hot Dog Eating world.

Sleeper - Clearly the dark horse in this race is the forgotten Sonya Thomas. She's also a little woman, and has beaten Joey in contests before. However, she did not come close in the heated last-man-standing contest that Joey and Kobayashi were locked in last year. So, while she has a chance at winning, the experts aren't giving her a fully realistic chance. Look for these three, however, to fill out the winning trifecta before each retire to a portable restroom and puke their guts out.


Kobayashi says he’ll compete in hot dog contest [Kansas City Star]